June 6, 2013
I went to a weight loss clinic today. I have never been to one before. It was at the advice of my friend Natalie who works at the gym. She told me she jumped started her weight loss by using this HCG spray. I've heard of it before - my old assistant did it but of course she didn't do it correctly or follow all the rules so it didn't work for her. Natalie assures me that if I follow the rules to the letter that it works.
The claim is 15-20lb in a month. I hear you nodding your head saying Yeah Right! That is impossible and dangerous. The impossible part- maybe. Dangerous? Well if I'm gonna lose that much weight in a month a little danger might be worth it! I know people are going to tell me I'm stupid or tell me it isn't going to work but I HAVE to at least try right??
I know the sprays aren't forever but if I lose the weight I can just then work to maintain the weight loss instead of constantly struggling to lose more and more and never losing.
I feel like I have been fighting in an unwinable fight. No matter how much I workout or how much I diet I am not losing weight. And I have an obsession with food. What I'm eating. What I'm not eating. What are eating. What other people are not eating. How much people are eating. What I want to eat. What I want to eat but know I shouldn't.
Then I get sad. When I'm sad I eat. After I eat I feel sad that I;ve eaten. And the cycle continues!! Sometimes I feel like I;m crazy.
most of my friends don;t understand because they are thin and don't struggle. Even my boyfriend (AG) is a stringbean! I would give anything to not think about my weight 24/7.
It doesn't really help that AG told me in February that he has noticed I've gained weight. He also said that he doesn't feel attracted to me anymore because of it. This is a thought that I cannot get out of my head. I know I was thinner when we met and started dating but I haven't gained that much - or so I thought. Now every move I make his words are in the back of my head. I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. I feel undeserving.
I know his intentions was not to make me feel bad and I did badger him to tell me what the hell was going on with him and why he was upset. I never dreamed he would tell me he wasn't attracted to me anymore and that he has noticed I've gained weight. Maybe that is the stupid girl in me thinking it will all be OK.
Although we have been working on things. Since then things have been different. He has been so much more affectionate. And so loving. He told me he doesn't think those things anymore and he thinks I am beautiful and wonderful, etc. But no matter what the words were spoken. I can't get them out of my head.
They drive me to not eat after 8pm. They drive me to go to the gym a 2nd time today. They drive me to get up, get dressed, and put on a full face of makeup and not just gym shorts and a t-shirt on my days off.
I love him...but sometimes loving him is exhausting.
After the weight loss clininc and after I spent $170 on a bottle of spray I felt so incredibly depressed. All I wanted to do was eat. So what did I do?? I went to Chic-Fil-A and got some chicken minis. What the hell is wrong with me?? I'm sad because I'm fat so I eat. Eating make me fatter so I get more depressed. Its a damn cycle that won't end.
Tomorrow starts the HCG diet. Lets see how it goes! I'm going to put my stats and pictures on the stats page and track daily my (fingers crossed!!!) losses!!
The claim is 15-20lb in a month. I hear you nodding your head saying Yeah Right! That is impossible and dangerous. The impossible part- maybe. Dangerous? Well if I'm gonna lose that much weight in a month a little danger might be worth it! I know people are going to tell me I'm stupid or tell me it isn't going to work but I HAVE to at least try right??
I know the sprays aren't forever but if I lose the weight I can just then work to maintain the weight loss instead of constantly struggling to lose more and more and never losing.
I feel like I have been fighting in an unwinable fight. No matter how much I workout or how much I diet I am not losing weight. And I have an obsession with food. What I'm eating. What I'm not eating. What are eating. What other people are not eating. How much people are eating. What I want to eat. What I want to eat but know I shouldn't.
Then I get sad. When I'm sad I eat. After I eat I feel sad that I;ve eaten. And the cycle continues!! Sometimes I feel like I;m crazy.
most of my friends don;t understand because they are thin and don't struggle. Even my boyfriend (AG) is a stringbean! I would give anything to not think about my weight 24/7.
It doesn't really help that AG told me in February that he has noticed I've gained weight. He also said that he doesn't feel attracted to me anymore because of it. This is a thought that I cannot get out of my head. I know I was thinner when we met and started dating but I haven't gained that much - or so I thought. Now every move I make his words are in the back of my head. I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. I feel undeserving.
I know his intentions was not to make me feel bad and I did badger him to tell me what the hell was going on with him and why he was upset. I never dreamed he would tell me he wasn't attracted to me anymore and that he has noticed I've gained weight. Maybe that is the stupid girl in me thinking it will all be OK.
Although we have been working on things. Since then things have been different. He has been so much more affectionate. And so loving. He told me he doesn't think those things anymore and he thinks I am beautiful and wonderful, etc. But no matter what the words were spoken. I can't get them out of my head.
They drive me to not eat after 8pm. They drive me to go to the gym a 2nd time today. They drive me to get up, get dressed, and put on a full face of makeup and not just gym shorts and a t-shirt on my days off.
I love him...but sometimes loving him is exhausting.
After the weight loss clininc and after I spent $170 on a bottle of spray I felt so incredibly depressed. All I wanted to do was eat. So what did I do?? I went to Chic-Fil-A and got some chicken minis. What the hell is wrong with me?? I'm sad because I'm fat so I eat. Eating make me fatter so I get more depressed. Its a damn cycle that won't end.
Tomorrow starts the HCG diet. Lets see how it goes! I'm going to put my stats and pictures on the stats page and track daily my (fingers crossed!!!) losses!!